Scrum Norris – SCRUM v podaní legendy :)

Nedávno som narazil na úžasnú zbierku SCRUMáckých Chuck Norrisoviek.. celkom slušný útok na bránicu 🙂
Mať tak v tíme Chucka..

Enjoy 😉

  • Chuck Norris is ScrumMaster and ProductOwner – simultaneously.
  • Chuck Norris can do 6-month sprints.
  • Chuck Norris wears Timeboxershorts.
  • Chuck Norris does not move story cards, he moves the taskboard.
  • Chuck Norris does not estimate, he knows.
  • Chuck Norris pairs alone.
  • Chuck Norris starts project with a Roundhouse-Kickoff.
  • Chuck Norris is allowed to appear late at the stand-up.
  • Chuck Norris sits on the stand-up meeting.
  • Chuck Norris has implemented everything at the planning meeting.
  • Chuck Norris does not estimate user stories, user stories estimate him. (This doesn’t translate well.)
  • Chuck Norris writes the code first, then the test.
  • Chuck Norris is not afraid of bugs, bugs are afraid of him.
  • Chuck Norris does not do Kanban. He does not know limits.
  • Chuck Norris does not pull, he pushes.
  • When Chuck Norris says “done”, then it’s “done”.
  • Chuck Norris does not deploy, he develops on the production environment.
  • Just Chuck Norris knows, that a real burn-down requires napalm.
  • Chuck Norris has no burn-down chart. Around him everything is already burnt down.
  • Chuck Norris answers just two questions on the stand-up meeting. Chuck Norris does not know obstacles.
  • Chuck Norris does not prioritize the backlog.
  • Chuck Norris takes two baby-steps at once.
  • Chuck Norris does not use test-driven development. Chuck Norris always drives.
  • Chuck Norris is the prioritized backlog.
  • Chuck Norris is ScrumMaster without being certified.
  • Chuck Norris does not need acceptance tests. Either Chuck Norris accepts or not.
  • Chuck Norris does not need Iteration Reviews or Reflection Workshops. There is no improvement for Chuck Norris’ process.
  • Chuck Norris’ unit tests pass, before he has written the code.
  • Tests doesn’t fail in front of Chuck Norris
  • Chuck Norris writes the code first, never the test(He doesn’t need to test at all).
  • Chuck Norris always wins at Planning Poker.
  • Chuck Norris can keep silent to small-size efforts.
  • Chuck Norris does not need a reference task.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t do iterative development, it’s right first time, forever.
  • Chuck Norris does not plan to release. Chuck Norris knows what to do.
  • Chuck Norris has a velocity of 50 000 points.
  • Chuck Norris ends the Product Backlog in each iteration.
  • Chuck Norris sidekicks chickens while eating fresh bacon at the stand-up
  • Chuck Norris developed his own crib in one iteration, right after birth
  • When Chuck Norris walks by, tests don’t run, they die in fear
  • Chuck Norris’ velocity is infinite, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
  • Chuck doesn’t meet customer requirements, they meet his!

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